#KenyanTrivialEish
If you are an opinionated and sophisticated person, and
especially woman, you might want to skip/ skim this one. By sophistication, I
mean sophistry, not wearing Ray Bans googles indoor and at night, manscaping or
wearing WonderBra and you are a D-Cup coz E-cups don’t exist. By opinionated, I
mean believing since you had an opinion it matters; you would be right. It
probably does matter, and most likely only to you. If you wish to make a point
after reading, be sure to appeal to my logic and keep your self-righteousness
to yourself. I too believe I’m a saint and have the solution to not only the
world’s but also the galaxy’s problem when they eventually crop up.
#MyDressMyChoice
I am taking a sabbatical from Twitter because of this one.
It is like that single mosquito in the room. No matter what, this hashtag just
keeps buzzing in my ears and is as annoying. In the morning I hear it on radio
on the boda (both types, I am a non-discriminatory traveller) AND on the matt.
Note to self, save for a powerbike. I see it on TV. At work, everyone asks what
I think about it. Methinks it will be a great idea to put out there (or as is
the case, right here) once and for all. It will save me some repetition and
increase net traffic to my blog (In Déjà vu retrospect, maybe not so much).
This will pitch a few dollars towards #DaviezPowerbikeRide (Can’t really call
it drive now, can I? Donations strictly through ads and M-PESA paybill no. 87655).
I believe anyone who dresses themselves should have the
choice to do so as they wish. Stripping a woman to teach her not to bare too
much skin is like putting your whole hand in the fire since you burnt your
finger; reasoning being: the much more pain will distract you from the pain you
are feeling. Enter Roddin the Thinker. Notable exceptions are Strathmore
students, prisoners, nurses at work, students at school, nuns, pastors, MPs
(the exception being… Enter Mike Sonko, proving true the
programming-carried-over fact that for every rule there is an exception which
has an exception ad infinitum), church goers…. Enter the flock, hungriez… Enter
team mafisi etc.
As the list of exceptions shows, what you wear is not always
as much of a choice as you think, at least if you want keep the hours in your
day to normal 24. Otherwise it is likely they will increase, commonly known as
siku mrefu. Disagree? How about you make the choice of wearing your birth suit
tomorrow and see if you have a choice when it comes to spending some time in an
asylum?
While it is true one’s dress is one’s choice, remember
choices have consequences, and they are never the ones you plan or have
contingencies for. As a lady, showing lot of skin will definitely win you the
stares and attention of a lot of people. The majority will be the flock who
will make catcalls, chat you up, take a stealie (it not a thing, you are sure?)
a la pic when you have passed and other, at times annoying but always harmless,
antics.
You should keep in mind however that team mafisi is roaming,
seeing all the tantalizing meat but not feasting as they would like. In their
midst is Roddin the Thinker, and as is true for any leader in any hyena pack,
he is the biggest, meanest and most stupid to boot. He makes a catcall and you
ignore, you mschew, you look at him sideways, you walk as if matope itakuumiza
and whatever it is that makes him want to kill others to still feel he is a man
kicks in. He goes for a bite, the other hyenas join and soon… well, you already
seen it and am not rehashing this hash tag.
Thing is, this never happens to boss ladies and the likes of
Mike Sonko. If you enter Dandora with gold chains and end up with stumps for
hands, no one would go demonstrating about #MyChainsMyChoice and claiming the
deeper issue is about the right to owning property. Everyone will agree una
ufala. It never happens to Mike Sonko and boss ladies coz they understand with
that choice comes a need for security and putting eish into context.
The boss lady drives her own car and the only team mafisi players
she meets are her colleagues and subordinates who have something to lose if
they mess with her. Sonko has security, and money, and power, and sniper
rifles, and drones…. Ciku wa mtaa has swag like whoa and everyone on her most
travelled routes such as drivers, touts, ma boy wa mtaa plus and many others (sic?
) all know her and are her friends, or at least think they are. Plus everyone
knows she is Masgwembez’ chic.
Can you put all that into context? Gladly: the rich and
powerful do and get away with doing what they want because they purchase their
privacy with gated compounds, tinted cars, panic rooms mostly for fulfilling
dark fantasies, helicopters, lawyers etc. The rest aka raia a la umati do it by
having lots of friends and acquaintances all over. One’s security is the people
around you, better known as herd security. If you are using public means of
transport frequently, make a point of knowing at least 2 new people each day.
(Ok Otis, now we know DT Dobie is still waiting for the spare parts you bought
for your customized Mercedes and your wife went with the Chysler to order sea
food in Mombasa. Damn it, I hate being an Abiria. Oh, the BS you hear!!! ).
In comes a girl… Enter
ShaggzMondo, with Nigerian movies inspired drama, mind frame and grammar with a
wardrobe picked from a Nick Minaj’s video and an ego as large plus Niki’s
@$$$$. ShaggzMondo meets Roddin the Thinker and pack and no one helps her and
you know why? She is not part of the herd. She looks like a cross between an
ass/ donkey (clothes), a zebra (clothes, words and accent: is it black or white)
and a wildebeest (Mindset? Nah, it just made the image in my mind sharper is
all). All around are the flock busy recording it and thinking: WTF? Stop
chasing waterfalls and wear clothes and an attitude you can actually pull
nOOb...
And that’s it: lots of social media outrage and media
coverage then it’s on to should a given woman MP have said she will strip on
public television. Your mind should be your own, and just coz you wish we all
followed rules and behaved like sane, logical beings doesn’t mean we always
will. It is not even an assurance all of us will even try, something you can almost
always count on if you have grown up in Kenya or watched Kenyans for any period
of time, or indeed, any and all human beings in the world.
The other thing to remember is that you should never let
others do the thinking for you. Kenyans are demonstrating over clothes and
wasting time and money simply because we were barraged by the media about it.
How about a hashtag about some non-trivial eish like Kenya spearheading the
push for African seats in UN security council? #AfricasUNSeatsNow,
#UnitedAfricanState or #AdoptASchool anyone?
Are #KOT, Kenyans
online, the Kenyan media and Kenyans in general ready to make lasting history
in things that matters with the tools we have. Or are we too busy discussing
Vera’s bleaching and dressing choice or is it Kanyari and 310? History or her/
his stories aka scandals?
Either way, if you have nothing to say to me or around me,
don’t talk of dressing choices and/or public stripping to me tafadhali.
Actually, this is a blanket ban on any issues of public interest especially
anything to do with or was on Kenyan TV and media personalities. Go catch
public’s interest, I am an individual with interests of mine.
I don’t understand why they came up with the term
uncomfortable silence, but if you must talk dribble, please say something that
does not make me want to rip the tongue out of your mouth. It best for your
physical health and my mental health. Better still, remember the saying silence
is silence. Golden….
