Speed Dating

Speed dating: I do not mean talking to a stranger for 2 minutes waiting for a bell to move on (or hoping it doesn't, your current 2-minute date matters) and wondering why your love life is on the rocks. I mean moving so fast before she can say wait a minute you do not care if its over. It really works well with probabilities and monkey barring.

Nothing makes me in particular and men in general feel as great as a woman/girl/lady (surely there is an option here that won't offend the fairer sex reader?) who treats them like superman. Until she brings out the Kryptonite that is. However, I can say they are not entirely to blame: my Kiswahili teacher always said my inshas lacked imagination, how I wish she got a chance to hear my Kiswahili mambo yote.

I am a great proponent of speed dating due Taurus Riley's law of dating i.e. want it, want it no get it, get, get it no want it and the fact that despite constant advice am not yet ready to lower my standards: yet.

All is fair in love and war
 The end justifies the means, and do I live by the mantra. If I want her, anything goes:
"Yes, I enjoy volunteering, I mean who doesn't love to work for nothing, right?"
"Yep, Moi is my distant uncle....I just have a Kyuk name, I got Kale blood in me."
"I wont mind taking care of your cat for you" This one is a half-truth btw :))
"Annually, I make as much as Bill Gate does in 5 minutes" You should have asked when, 1-2 years from now.

When you tell these kind of half-truths, future plans told as if in the present and fantasies that puts you in (almost) the same level as J.K. Rowlings and J. Tolkien, expectations are bound to be unrealistic. You can either ease her gently into reality in case you want to get into a relationship with her or let it hit her like an electric train at full speed, especially if the package on offer was based on false advertising. Either way, she should know the truth after the deed is done.

 Surprise, surprise
Its using the element of surprise and novelty to your advantage: you find a lady and know she is way out of your league and, assured if you do not ask it will be a no, you steel your guts, loosen the ego balloon so when she deflates it it won't burst, and make your move. Seems cupid is asleep, its your luckiest day in 3 months or she just broke up with her boyfriends (that should put her in perspective) or has daddy issues. Either way, she into you and soon discover there is a Homer in your head and all that was needed was the right kind of stimulation to awaken him. Soon your pickup line soon evolves into an epic odyssey and every poet and tale weaver loves a great audience.

You have to move fast before the logical part of the brain takes over and plant your flag. Like every guy knows, the first time is the hardest and she will either capitulate and stick with you (while weighing other options) or dump you faster than a hot potato. Either way, you can truthfully say I tapped that, and that got to count for something :))

Caste System

Much as we would like equality, it simply does not exist in nature. What we can all hope for is an equal chance to be better than we are and others, but this is not an sociology blog so back to the topic. Even dogs realize that, otherwise how do you explain dogs from affluent areas chase cars and those from the ghettos don't? The dog from Karen (Kenyan leafy suburb. I got an internationale audience :) are assured of a meal thus can engage in frivolous activities. Those from the projects are busy hustling. If you understood dog speak this might be a conversation you overhear:

Simba: sup dawg
Dawg: Sup. How you doing canine?
Simba: Keeping it sharp, paws firmly on the ground, ears pointed, nose up for a whiff of whats going on you know, same ol, same ol. These humans though are morons: they can build roads, building airplanes but can't figure out a dog's diet. Githeri, ugali, some rice here and there, vegetables... vegetables! do I have elongated ears or in anyway resemble a rabbit? a lion like me should eat meat.
Dawg: You do know wanakuitanga simba kukushasha? (they only call you lion-simba to make you feel good). Anyways, there is someone who slaughters donkeys by the river, we should check it out. If any other dogs show up, it's every human for himself and the pack for us all, damn humans. Seriously, humans can't smell donkey meat?
Simba: I don't think so, lemmie call my girl and we can roll
Dawg: One of this days, she is gonna be your bitch
Simba: Naaw, am a lone wolf
Dawg: Mongrel Simba, not a lion, not a wolf but a mongrel
Simba: (trotting dogestically) Think Dog Dawg, Think Dog

Got to understand why they say as stubborn as a donkey. Saw one yesterday in the middle of the road and cars had to make way for it. Slipping into an alternate dimension (read it if you haven't, its an older post) I decoded what must have been going through its mind and almost ended up in an asylum after cracking up spontaneously. Reason: imagining the donkey saying to itself

"What, a donkey now can't be an ass?"