BRAWL 101

No matter how much of a pacifist you are, as long as you frequent places with high crowds of people who are unusually excited, and thus most likely inebriated (people love getting high, or is it just me), you will likely witness a brawl over some trivial misconstrued affront. Ego, women and nature top the men’s list, and for women, the most common but least expressed reason is that the other woman is prettier, classier and usually younger: Incoming menopause can be a real female dog. So far, things are going great, who needs cable TV when you got live action and you decide you need to get a better look.
That’s one of the absolute donts of the Brawl 101. The reason is simple: Human beings are animals, thus travel in packs, are prone to herd mentality, and above all, love a good old fashioned thumping, especially if they are not on the receiving end. If you move closer, you will get caught up in some action you merely wished to watch, because the other pack members will always swoop in to help one of their own, resulting in the fight escalating, and due to your curiosity, legendary for killing cats, being caught up in it. Herd mentality makes everyone want a piece of the action, and good old fashioned thumping makes you a prime target with your attention else.
If, however you get in a brawl, here are a few rules of thumbs.
Stopping keeping rules of thumbs
This is not the time to be philosophical and when a fist is headed towards your mouth, that’s not the time to try out interpersonal skills. It could be bad for hygiene and doesn’t reveal your know-how on body language in such great light. Survival mode requires way lesser brains cells, which might explain why alcohol induces I-AM-JET-LI hallucinations (usually with catastrophic results), and the more the brain is left out of it, trust in reflex action and adrenaline, the better. You don’t want to be worrying about a P3 form as you punch someone’s face; takes all the fun out of it. Focus.
Don’t fight with an ugly person
The only way they could get attention on the playground was bullying and fighting, which means they are probably more experienced in ass-kicking than you. More importantly, they got nothing to lose.
Know thine enemy
You don’t want to fight a martial expert, you could probably make a career as a human punch bag, neither do you want to pick a fight with someone who has 20 friends, all of whom look like they eat your weekly food portions in one sitting. It goes without saying that if your opponent knows the bouncers or is bigger than you; it’s time to apply the next rule.
Know all points of exits
The reasons are varied; a fire, police raid, imagined alien abduction/invasion (matters what you took), a quick getaway. A brawl is not the time to be a hero. If things start to go south, scatter like points a scatter diagram.
And above all
Fight hard, fight like you mad, and fight dirty
This is not the time to be a gentleman, your being in a brawl takes care of that, and if it helps you to win, do it. Hit below belts and aim for the nipples, bite and scratch, swing a bottle and stab, shoot and blow away…. It’s been a rough week.