Code 420 (Adverts)

Today is #420, and me being me (as opposed to who?) I kinda started early. This lead to hyper priming and I had a conversation with myself (sometimes its the only way to have an intelligent conversation) on what would it be like if adverts were true: one things for sure, the companies would sell less.

Drugs Adverts

You have come across an advert that goes like:
"Are you feeling tired and depressed? try drug Y blah blah blah"
In the parallel universe where adverts have to be true due to real governance as opposed to governments, here its how the script would go
"Are you feeling tired and depressed? that because you fucking are!!!! However buy this drug Y and the placebo effect will trick your pea-brain that you feeling on top of the world"

Then there is the ubiquitous
"If symptoms persists,seek medical advice/maumivu yakizidi,mwone daktari"
would be
"you are a goner!!!/Hausaidiki budda boss" or "you are too sick or we are too stupid.Either way you are fucked!!"

Drug adverts

In this category we have beer, cigarettes, anti-depressants e.t.c.
The company's vision statement might be something like
"Helping all self-destructive humans achieve their goal" and the advertisement will be
"Temporarily postponing your shit so you can process it as a batch (/toilet)... "
to be continued [you wonna bet?]

I'M RICH BITCH!!!!

Can't remember exactly when I heard that being rich turns people into assholes: but thats when I decided to be wealthy. There is no fun in doing things halfway, and if you are going to be an asshole, you better be in a position to get yourself out of the shit you get yourself into and if you can't (the shit is too stinky, too deep, hardening too fast),be in a postion to afford someone to clean it up for you.

Here are some sayings that I have heard and some I have used that I need to delete from my mind if I am to rival Midas (Aiming for Bill Gates is aiming low :)

Poverty is not a crime
This is actually true, but in full, it reads: Poverty is not a crime but that is its only virtue. Need I sema more?

Money is not everything
This is usually said by some broke-ass, balding (or menopausing), paper pushing human being when they realize that their dreams are likely to remain exactly that: dreams, fovever and ever, and ever, and ever... ad infinitum.

Life should be about more than just about money, true that. The semantics of that sentence is easy to follow: you have the money, now get the more life has to offer.
Try this for an exercise: Decide you are not going to use money for a week and you will notice that while almost everything was available when you had money, almost nothing is available without it.

Yet even that available without it loses its taste without some cheddar spicing it up. Try and imagine a marriage where none of the spouses earns an income. does not matter if their love is straight out of a hollywood script or the twillight saga, its going down, and not the way raves do.

That is why dating personals read like "I am (a bitch) looking for a financially independent, God fearing, tall, healthy, muscular, HIV -ve guy.Willing to compromise on all except the first."

There is no romance without finance, and you can't live on love.

Money Can't Buy Happiness
What? and broke can? Its really hard to be sad when you thinking about the stack you have stashed and the other you are raking in. Try being sad with some (translate that to alot) money you have not planned to do anything with but have fun.
If you are somehow still sad (the idea in itself just made me smile) you must be masochistic and it bites no hyena, you can afford to do something about your unhappiness: Hire a personal stripper, get really fucked up, go on a trip to Jamaica or Amsterdam... the possiblities are truly endless; with some money!!!! This aint earning me shiet so baadayez!!!