ALTERNATE THINKING

It’s GREY not GRAY. I leant the Queen’s English mate.

This the area where wrong and right merge, dark and light co-exist and nothing said can or would be held against the author in a court of law, morals, social norms, tennis or any other court implied but not limited to, any meaning perceived from the word court.

Warning: Opinions herein contained are not even necessarily the author’s own.

In one of those moments that inspire a man to take to the skies, albeit with arms for wings, I decided to practice the little philosophical principles I was trying to wrap my head around and came up with a method to make your life more profound and fun. These are the tenets of Alternate Thinking:

Revel at others stupidity.

No thoughts or better still, weird thoughts are good thoughts.

Do not reason, malreason.

You could try and act normal, but its usually not worth the effort or as fun

Its takes discipline to master Alternate Thinking for you must switch back to normal thinking at will, but it’s such an experience you do not want to go back to normal.

Here are a few examples of my Alter Experiences:

MAN JAILED FOR BEASTILITY
The animal in question was a goat, which is why I prefer chicken. As expected of a civilized society (The polished horde, made of two mighty tribes, the Bores and the Bored. Not my words), this caused an outcry and baying for blood, and not the goat’s. What I was wishing for however was the goat to suddenly acquire speech; and what stories it would tell.
Reporter: "what happened on the given day Milky?"
Milky: "He lured me with some fodder into the pen (sobs)"
Reporter: "Then what happened (looking at milky with a somber expression, though if you looked closely you could see the dollar signs in her eyes)?"
Reporter: "(Milky hesitates) what transpired Milky?"
Milky: "He came in with the milking can which I thought was odd for it was not milking time. Then he started caressing my udder with suggestive motions...."

At this point, the lecturer called out my name and I had to snap out of my reverie and back to normal mode.

LARGE TRACTS OF LAND IN MAU OWNED BY GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS
In a land filled with the destitute and the under-privileged, it comes to one as a shock that people allocated themselves hectares of land in Kenya's most important water catchment area. The moral aspect of the issue notwithstanding, blatant greed and sheer plunder in a country faced with hunger and squatters, for we can safely assume the concerned parties have not an iota of moral juice, one would have to be extremely thick skulled to not realize the environmental consequences of their action; the common mwananchi was caught in the in the path of two warring bulls, a moment best described as when an unstoppable force (stupidity) meets an immovable object(nature) .
What I was asking myself however was whether any of this self anointed demi-gods would be buried in a grave an acre wide, and how that would be achieved; burning, chopping to pieces.... my Alternate Thinking really picked up from this point, going off this vein for quite some time.

CHOLERA OUTBREAK
I had been watching Jack Buer being missed my automatic gunfire from several quarters yet kill all the ‘bad guys’ with a boomerang (24), and this is how I imagined a cholera patient's drama.

The following takes place between 12:00 and 12:25
12:01 (Great rumbling noise, like a building crumbling down in a cloud of grey cement dust. Camera zooms in to the patient's stomach, which is the source of the sound).
Patient Zero: “Oh I need my medicine”.

The patient streaks out of the room, throwing away his coat as he races. Patient Zero is slow motioned as he prepares to dive; He dives through an open toilet door, turning as he instantaneously lowers his trousers. Halfway through the turn, his guts cannot hold it in anymore, and he paints abstract art in the toilet.
Forgot to inform you the episode’s PG Rating: Never Watch.

WHAT THE FRUIT
Someone, I can’t exactly recall who but he was prominent, once said that few are as open-minded as we think we are. This harsh reality was recently confirmed when proposing a better way to approach a project to my supervisor was met with this very candid and accommodating reply: You can go off on any tangent and do it as you see fit as long as you follow these guidelines. The guidelines so restricting I couldn’t swat a fly off my @$$ if I needed to. I was recently asked what I thought of lesbianism, and since two women fucking is like two women knitting (Mario Puzo), I replied I was ok with it, and would support it if I was allowed to watch and occasionally participate. Then it was inquired what I thought of homosexuality. There are some lines that can never be crossed, and even in this life where the only constant is change, there are absolutes: physical absolutes like gravity.
So what do I think we should do about gay men? Sending them to jail is like punishing a kid by locking her in a chocolate factory or Disney world. This is where alternate Thinking comes in: Why not create a guillotine? If it’s your eye that makes you sin……