HOW TO GET SHIT DONE

It’s GREY not GRAY. I leant the Queen’s English mate.
This the area where wrong and right merge, dark and light co-exist and nothing said can or would be held against the author in a court of law, morals, social norms, tennis or any other court implied but not limited to, any meaning perceived from the word court.
Warning: Opinions herein contained are not even necessarily the author’s own.

SHIT GOES ONE WAY
This is a point to always remember; shit goes one way: downwards and outwards. Think of a sewage system. Its one of the reasons guys on top see shitheads (they are heaping shit on you) and guys below see assholes (the ones heaping shit on them). What the point? Its better to be an asshole than a shithead. Work your way upwards and inwards (making inroads) and don’t be afraid of getting your hands dirty. Its what you get for working in a shit factory

CREATE WIN-WIN SITUATIONS
If you want people to come through, its best not appeal to their goodwill or gratitude. After all, even Jesus told us to never expect others to be grateful and humans are notoriously forgetful, especially when it suits them. Work on their lizard brain, responsive to survival and self-interest. The way to get to it is through value words and not logic: don’t ask how I know… if I tell you I will have to kill yah.

Casestudy: You spend on her, you get her.
I throw drinks, she puts out… you get the idea

KNOW SOMEONE WHO OWES YOU A FAVOR THEOREM
It is a simple but powerful theorem
Know someone who owes you a favor. They also know someone who owes them a favor and so on.
For K persons, know Person 1 who owes you a favor, who knows Person 2 who owes Person 1 a favor,… who knows Person k who will get the shit done for person k-1 whom he owes a favor.

HAVE THEM BY THE BALLS
We all know that the sphincter muscles relax when in extreme pain… if you didn’t follow, pain makes you shit yourself, and we want to get shit done. Ask any man the most painful kinda pain (am not a grammar school master) and most will agree it from a hit to the balls. Well, having people by the balls means you can apply the pressure when you need to, or even for fun. Bottom line: leverage, cleavage (no typo :-), leverage, leverage.

USE A LAXATIVE
If all else fails, create a situation whereby shit gets done your way, regardless of the shitee’s opinion. After all, you don’t decide when to make safcom richer when on laxatives (M-PESA). You have done things laxatively one time or another: Waking up at 5:30 to avoid caning in school, passing on your money and phone while a guy hugged you from behind none too gently, Ruto and Uhuru going to Hague….