COLD SHOWERS AND SOUR GRAPES

THE GREY AREA
It’s GREY not GRAY. I leant the Queen’s English mate.
This the area where wrong and right merge, dark and light co-exist and nothing said can or would be held against the author in a court of law, morals, social norms, tennis or any other court implied but not limited to, any meaning perceived from the word court.
Warning: Opinions herein contained are not even necessarily the author’s own.

This is not a happy-me-time guide to showering and eating grapes.

There are some rules of the thumb that, if known by everyone, make relationships so easier to understand. Being my normal helpful self, you can thank me later, I try to break them down intellectually (I really put in that word for the heck of it).

Rule 1: If you can’t get what you want, want what you can get.

However, its has come to my knowledge that while this approach to dating solves one problem i.e. the Sour Grapes Syndrome, it creates an even more debilitating one: The Cold Shower Moment.

SOUR GRAPES

The Sour Grapes Syndrome can be put succinctly as the condition where something or someone you can’t have suddenly becomes revolting and nauseating, for no other reason but simply that you can’t get them.

You all remember the Kaka Sungura tales, one of the few classes where I actually paid attention, where he decided that the juicy fruits he had struggled so hard to get were sour anyway, (And to all those claiming they don’t: you didn’t know Oliver Twist or Harry Potter by then), and thus not worth the hassle or trouble of getting them and in fact, he was better off without them. It was with this tale on my mind that I had a moment of great clarity, the kind that inspired Da Vinci to draw a helicopter if I don’t come off as too self-conceited, I found a connection with the story and human relationships (laugh all you want, they called Da Vinci crazy too). Men suffer from it mildly, while most women have a fully blown epidemic.

This usually happens when you are sitting in a table and a friend notices this charming, sexy, alluring lady as she passes by (their own words), and not one to let an opportunity pass them by, approaches the lady. After what are clear indications that things aren’t going too well for the brother, he comes back to the table, both his mood and the perception of the lady changed. Now she is a stuck up bitch who enjoys torturing men with her assets and has a serious Michelin and Firestone production factory in her midsection real estate. Take a wild guess what his mood was like, and how much more fun your lunch just became, albeit at his expense.

Women are more vindictive, and it’s not beyond them to enquire if one is gay, for its simply not fathomable to her and is definitely against nature for a man to not be into her and be heterosexual.

COLD SHOWERS

If you happen to be one of those people who write budgets simply to fill up your notebook, then you definitely know this scenario: You lace up your shoes laces and hit the road, ostensibly to become lean and feat, but in actuality just preparing for the torture and psyching yourself to take that cold shower and if everything fails, to be just too sweaty to not bathe.

This is when you discover that your friend has a perception ability you were unaware of, usually when they describe their new hitch with words you didn’t know they knew. When they say they had a connection, it’s not about looks, it’s something deeper and my favourite, she’s beautiful on the inside (how did they see her inside?), or he just likes to monkey around.

Then you brace yourself and step into the shower, brain in full consolation mode, mentally running down the health benefits of taking one and its less malicious nature on the reproductive system. When the first jet of cold water hits you however, jolting you back from the self-delusion alter dimension, your body makes it know that it much prefers the warm water, screw the health benefits.

A Cold Shower Moment is when you decide you are better off single and very alone rather than with who you are currently stuck with (Stuck is the word), relationship benefits notwithstanding (assured intimacy, daily calls, weekly arguments).

That’s what relationships are made of, cold showers that jolt you in realizing you can do better, or someone better, and sour grapes for the better you wish you could do.

Hope I made your spirits soar.

What The Fruit

With all the technological and other forms of human advancement, you would think we have improved the human social paradigm with matching success but unfortunately, that’s not the case. I personally would like to see a radical change in male-female relationships.

Friends with benefits is a step in the right way, divorce is not.

This is sure to generate a lot of heat, so I am working on my asbestos suit called I DON’T CARE.