This the area where wrong and right merge, dark and light co-exist and nothing said can or would be held against the author in a court of law, morals, social norms, tennis or any other court implied but not limited to, any meaning perceived from the word court.
Warning: Opinions herein contained are not even necessarily the author’s own.
I have been discussing with a few of my female colleagues/ friends exactly what men and women want in this life, and especially in relationships. I agree am no expert at this, at the risk of being torn apart by the pack of hounds that constitutes my close friends who can sniff out any weakness and use it ruthlessly against you, but am certain in the knowledge of my manhood and so this is the list of what I know I Want, and what other men told me they want when I carried out some research (guess the method of data collection and the field area). This is the worst kept secret in the world, and I am hoping to make it even more so.
I have tried to keep it as concise as possible, and skipping the really ribald stuff (of course it was there), this are some of the things. And without further ado, ladies and gentlemen……………….
GIVE ME SPACE
If you ever listened to anything your physics teacher said, you probably remember that matter occupies space, and reducing the space a body occupies causes an increase in pressure. A psychiatrist will tell you pressure increases irritability, which causes arguments. Common sense dictates that arguments are bad for any relationship, especially anger-driven ones.
Proof
Maxim 1: Arguments are bad for a relationship.
Theorem 1: If space reduces, pressure increases.
If pressure increases, irritability increases, resulting in more arguments.
Therefore, the more space you give a man, the better the relationship.
YOU DIGG!!!!
In essence, what this means is let me do my thing: hit the books, hang out with the boys, that kind of thing. Just because I took you to lunch yesterday does not mean I want to go to lunch with you every day. Nothing gets a man running faster than a clingy, egocentric woman. We love freedom (one of the reasons we prefer boxers), and if you intend to take away a man’s freedom either have massive firepower (Guantanamo bay comes to mind), or do it slowly and in a way that don’t leave him feeling short-changed.
3 calls a week is plenty (how many times will I call you if we get married if it’s daily now?), a meal 2 times a week good enough and a weekly heart-to-heart with low lights and slow music perfect, and if you make it fortnightly, heavenly.
There must be an exception that proves the rule, and in this case it’s the sleepovers (I told you am not an expert at this. I still love sleepovers). This is the one area that a man will not mind even if you hog all his free time. Open your palm and the sand will stay in your arms. Try to close your fist around it and it will pour through your fingers
BE A LADY IN THE STREETS
Ever noticed the flirty, sleazy girl never has a long lasting relationship? She does get many more dances, but after the dance, she walks alone on her way home. How do you expect me to keep you on my side if all you do is flirt with other men in the club, at the pool, anywhere?! Were I to wake up and find you in my arms, I want to believe it’s because of my irresistible charm, because we clicked, or something to that tune. If you act sleazy, I won’t necessarily turn you down; after all opportunity only knocks once ama?
Don’t turn up with a microscopic dress on our way to church. Don’t say fcuk when around strangers: the reason you are not embarrassed is because am embarrassed enough for the two of us. Act like a lady…. All I need is an act.
BE A LIBERAL
And am not referring to your politicalpersuasion or outlook here. I mean be open minded to, you know, stuff. We are visual creatures and the thing with visual people even in normal life is that they fantasize; a lot. I know there will be boundaries of course but do indulge me now and then.
The exception to the rule: more than the two of us when there is more than one of us.
WHAT THE Fruit?
I was recently reminiscing over my personal troubles when I saw one of those moments that totally wreck your train of thoughts, resulting in major causalities. Apparently two fully asset grown men were crying over a chic that had played them. As they discussed, or rather whined, over their troubles I managed to get the damsel in limelight number, but that’s a story for another day. The question that was on the forefront of my mind was; where was the pride of these two sissies? Where were the times when two men would fight over anything; soccer, beer brand or Angelina Jolie vs. Salma Hayek, but never over a woman? Truly how do you make a man of a Celelac-mutant, overgrown boy? Its time boys out there tainting the name of men learnt the commandments of being a man, one of which is never fight another man over a woman, unless she’s your mother; at least not when she can see you both. Get him the next day for hitting you: never mind it was over her, he hit you man!! The man world is complex boy!!!
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